Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
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Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
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I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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