I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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