i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
