toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
