Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
