my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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