im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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