As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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