I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
