i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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