the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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