2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
