Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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