I just saw a hot homeless man
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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