a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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