It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
