Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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