Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
