I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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