what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
