update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize