I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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