he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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