My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
you never un-have a 4some
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
