Ambien. No doubt about it.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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