i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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