how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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