tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My dad just said "fuck circus"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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