And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
