The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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