Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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