stop calling my apartment porn island.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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