We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
