So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I love you. Go after that dick
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
