Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he was CRYING into my vagina
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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