So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize