apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
