i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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