Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
