I got her a Nickelback box set.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
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I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
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I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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