farters have to be the big spoon...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
