I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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