I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
