yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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