So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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