Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
