This is not my ceiling
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
