Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I look better un-naked...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
