I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
