So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
