I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
