If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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