just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
