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Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
