why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
