Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
