the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
