is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
