you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
