Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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