can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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