why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
