Please don't use social media to get back at me.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
