I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
