I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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