His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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