in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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