I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
