nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
