i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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